News Release:
Federal Money for More Balls
WASHINGTON, DC – Dr. Pepe/Pepita Noriega, Horace Mann High School’s Latin bombshell transvestite school principal, announced last night at a faculty costume ball at the Edmund Burke Hotel that s/he will continue to use federal money to sponsor cotillions to fight teacher burnout. “Nothing improves morale quicker than a gala event,” Noriega told reporters. “That’s why I insist we have at least two each semester.”
Dressed elegantly in a sequined gown, the respected Horace Mann High School principal has been startling the education community by devising innovative techniques for reducing teacher burnout. In a campaign to fight academic lethargy and bring freshness and intellectual energy into the classroom, s/he has vowed to use money from a $5 million Federal grant, not spent on costume balls, on reducing the teacher workload. “It’s time,” Dr. Noriega said, “to bring an end to teacher burnout by turning over some of the responsibility of teaching to students,” s/he told reporters. “Like our beloved U.S. President, I believe we must begin to let the kids share with their classmates what they know.”
Horace Mann High School Counselor Niko Papalodopoulis, Noriega’s current lover, raised his glass in support. “Let’s all drink to that. A toast to Horace Mann’s next generation of Neo-Cro-Magnons.”
The former college-football-lineman-turned transvestite ignored him and defended his decision by saying simply, “We must never forget the words of the great John Dewey, ‘...the only way to reach our students is to make them aware of their... heritage by encouraging them to perform those activities which make civilization what it is’.”
Pepe/Pepita Noriega and Niko Papalodopoulis are fictitious characters in Joe David’s outrageously funny book, Teacher of the Year. Book reviewers have referred to it as “unique fun, startling” (Jennifer Stephens, WXCD-FM), “a good read” (Bob Madigan, WTOP-Washington), “a madcap, often twistedly comic satire” (Sam Weller, New City Newspaper, Chicago), “wonderfully humorous...with serious messages about teaching and education” (Mike Bowler, Baltimore Sun).
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Do you want more? Quickly, the apple.
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